Hopeful....

I haven't really said much lately about the baby issue. I am trying to relax slightly on the issue. What I thought was realized and was less panicky, my husband thought was freaked out and stated I was crying last month. I explained to him of course I cried.. but was I as bad as the month before? He did admit that I was not. I am less freaked out because I am using more technology to help figure me out.. lol... I know good luck on that one. This is the second full month of taking a basal temp daily. The first month I was attempting to take it when I wake up each morning... I never wake up at the same time, so it was difficult. This month I changed it to when Bran gets up.. 5am (yeah!). I am at least slightly awake at that time any way and then doze for another hour/ hour and a half (lol). This is working better, since I have to take it within 20 minutes of the same time each day, after I have slept uninterrupted for 3 hours, and before I ever get out of bed. I also started tracking ovulation this month... fun. I've seen more pee sticks lately then I will ever want to. I started doing this because AF has decided she doesn't like day 28, 29, or even 30. No she likes day 36, 37, or 38 better. So, this was making me believe that I was late a week every month recently... which increased the "freaked outness." I don't know why the change... but now that I know it's happening I can work with it. It's probably a sign that I am getting older or that my hormones are finally balancing out for once in my life. There have been some other things that I have been tracking and doing... but I won't really talk about it on here. If you have done family planning or fertility tracking then you what I am talking about. You definitely learn things about your body though... lol. So.. we are nearing the end of cycle 8 (that means 8 months of trying.) Usually people are told not to worry until you have been trying for a year. I am worried now due to my age.... after 30 certain things slow down, after 35 certain things slow down even more and other problems can happen. So.. being 33.. puts me smack in the middle of the slow down phase. Plus I am a worrier.. they state every few women get pregnant the first month they try.. I think this is BS.... I think at least 50% do... but that is my theory. Otherwise why would you always know someone or have a friend who knows someone who wasn't even trying, got pregnant the first time, or got pregnant on birth control. Anyway.. I will know either way by Christmas if we will have our own little Christmas wish. Otherwise... I'm trying not to dwell on it and let it make me severely depressed. This season is hard enough on me... stress, work stress, and too many memories of funerals ( a new one added this year.) I will update everyone when I know either way.